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The short story, recited by the deadpan John Cale, was written by Lou Reed as a writing project during his college days.

The narrative concerns Waldo Jeffers, a lovesick youth, who has engaged in a distressing long-distance relationship with his college girlfriend Marsha Bronson. After their school terms end, Waldo returns to his hometown of Locust, Pennsylvania. He becomes increasingly paranoid over the course of two months, worried that Marsha might not stay faithful to him as promised. More than anything, he fears constantly that she will engage in sexual promiscuity. Lacking the requisite money to visit her in Wisconsin, he concocts a plan to mail himself to her in a large cardboard box, expecting it will be a welcome surprise to Marsha. He ships himself on Friday.

The following Monday, Marsha is having a discussion with her friend Sheila Klein about Bill, a man that Marsha slept with the previous night. When the package arrives at the door, the two struggle to open the box while Waldo waits excitedly inside. Unable to open the box by other means and frustrated, Marsha retrieves a sheet metal cutter from her basement and gives it to Sheila, who slices straight through the box as well as Waldo's head.